By Mike Meyer
OMG it came to me in a dream. The future. Or maybe it was the past? When are we, anyway? It’s hard to keep track of things as America sinks into the slow quicksand of chaos. I’ve been thinking that something is wrong with time. We seem to be headed in the wrong direction. But the whole thing is kind of syrupy and cloying.
The vision was clear. A bright autumn day, cool but still reminiscent of summer. The word was all over the internet that Trump had declared war on. . . but that was when things went fuzzy. I could hear people’s televisions making the important announcement but I couldn’t hear who it was that we had declared war on. People walking down the street were stopped and looking at their phones. I saw one person turn and shout to his friend, “Can you see who it is the idiot is going to attack?”
People started to stop their cars in confusion and some came out of their homes, “What’s happening? Can you hear what’s going on?”
“No, i was listening to the radio and it goes all garbled when they say the name. But we are going to blow the fuck out of someone.”
“Yeah”, another person said, “Google News has it but the name is that bunch of ascii characters like it can’t be translated.”
“That’s what I’m seeing, too.” My neighbor had come out of his front door. “How come we can’t get the name? Is this some kind of jamming? Who the hell is doing this?”
More people were coming out of houses and more cars were stopping on the street.
“Are we at war? With who?”
“I don’t know. Didn’t the orange fruitcake threaten to attack New Hampshire, last week?”
“Yeah”, several people said, “ They refused to let him come to the state to have one of his crazy campaign things”, said a woman sitting in her car. “No fucking wonder given the Nazis that get bussed in for those things. Those people are bug shit crazy and tore up a town in Ohio last month but Sarah Fuckleberry said it was fake news. Sure looked real to me.”
“We declared war on New Hampshire?”
“No the turd forgot about it, I think. This is different. This was an official announcement.”
“. . . the fuck, dude? Is it another state?”
“Jesus, who knows? These people are crazy. Fuck it, I’m loading up my family and driving to Canada.”
“Sorry ‘bout that, Dude, ICE closed the Canadian border last week. You didn’t hear?”
“How can fucking ICE close the fucking Canadian border?” The man ready to emigrate said. “Canada is our only hope!”
Just then some of the crowd that had grown on the street shouted and pointed to the intersection. Three armored personnel carriers had turned on our street and were headed toward us.
“Shit! What the hell are those things doing here?” My neighbor shouted. “I’m National Guard and there’s no call up!”
“Jesus H. Fucking Christ, those are Russian. See the red star?”
Then the attack helicopters popped over the horizon and the shooting started.
That’s all I remember.
I guess that was when we realized that war had been declared on us.